


Secrets Are Called Secrets For A Reason

by CarryOnMyWaywardSons



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Heartache, Hunters & Hunting, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 19:36:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3781858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarryOnMyWaywardSons/pseuds/CarryOnMyWaywardSons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WARNING: This fic is not finished, and I don't know when I will get around to finishing it. No, I'm not scrapping it completely, but university just started again, and I don't have the leisure to work on this like I'd like to. Sorry loves!</p><p>After the Reader's father was killed by a werewolf, she decided to give up the hunters life for the normal one he always wanted for her. At college who should she meet and fall in love with but Sam Winchester. He has no clue of her background and she has no clue of his. Only when they meet years later does the truth reveal itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a situation I've been daydreaming about for a while now, and the only way to get it out of my head is to, of course, write it down. I hope you enjoy.

I sat down at the desk and stared at the leather book. It was only a book - and a blank one at that. And yet my heart pounded at the thought of finally writing down everything. It was the only way to cope with the emotional turmoil going on in my head.  Well, here goes. I opened to the first page and uncapped my pen.

_Entry 1_

Hi...I guess. I don’t really know what I’m doing, I've never written one of these before. But there is a reason I’m writing this. Hell, I always thought diaries were for silly teenage girls, but this time...this time I guess I understand the appeal. If I don’t write this down, all of this... emotion: the anger, the fear, the embarrassment... all of it will come flooding out of me, and I don’t want to see what kind of destruction that would cause.

I guess...I should start at the beginning. That’s how these things work, right? You write down everything about yourself? Well, I won’t go that far into detail, but...here goes. My name is (Y/F/N). It’s such a pretty name, right? Yeah, a pretty name doesn't mean a pretty life. I grew up without my mother. She died shortly after my fifth birthday. The police claimed it was an animal attack, but...I never believed it. The way she was mauled - her skin was so torn apart, they didn't even know who it was at first. We moved around a lot after that, my dad and I. He seemed like he was constantly searching for something. It wasn't until I was a little older that I figured out what. He was off on one of his frequent “business trips” when I found it. An old, leather bound journal, full of entries on the mythological. But it didn't refer to it them as stories. It was a documentation of these creatures, and it detailed how to kill them. When my dad walked in on me holding the book, it seemed as if all the life drained out of him. He had tried so hard to keep it from me, but I knew. He was a hunter.

From then on, hunting became a part of my life. At first, Dad wouldn't let me on hunts, telling me it was too dangerous, that he didn't want me raised in this life. However, I wouldn't leave it alone. After I snuck along on a salt and burn, he finally realized he wouldn't be able to keep me from hunting. However much he may have wanted to. Reluctantly, he let me join him.

It became our life. Researching hunts, finding monsters, ganking the bastard. Somehow, I still managed to keep up with school, even though juggling my two lives was exhausting. What with the constant moving, and the secrecy of hunting, I learned to rely only on myself and my dad. Dad, wanting me to have a normal life, would sometimes go on hunts alone, when I was especially swamped with school work. However much I told him I would rather go with him, he insisted that school was more important. I tried, for him, but it was never much of a priority. Having friends was too much of an effort, and I knew I would be moving within a couple months, so I never tried. As for romance...well. What was the point?

I was nearing the middle of my senior year of high school when it happened. Dad had found a werewolf hiding in a small town just five miles from where we were staying at the time. I had a big calculus test the next day, and he insisted I stay back to study while he hunted the thing down. Hesitantly, I agreed.

That was the last time I saw him alive.

It took me an entire week to track down his body. And when I did? It was like seeing Mom all over again. Except this time I didn't have anyone to help me get through the grief. This time...I was left an orphan.It was then that I realized just how dangerous hunting could be. Both of my parents were dead. My dad had been an amazing hunter, but he had been just as susceptible sharp claws as Mom had been. I thought about how all Dad ever wanted was for me to have a normal life. To go to college, to get a degree, get a normal job, marry a normal guy, and have normal kids. And that’s what I decided to do.


	2. A Normal Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More backstory!!!

Once I started writing, it was almost scary how easily it all flowed out. But I was nowhere near finished. The journal weighed heavy on my mind all through the day. I needed to keep writing. Pulling it out of my bag, I gazed at it. Would it really help? Would getting all of the poison out of the memories even change anything?

One way to find out.

_Entry 2_

Hello again. Where did I leave off in my sorry tale? Oh right. A normal life.

I went to college. Stanford, actually. Pretty good for someone who moved around most of her life, if I do say so myself. I decided to double major in mythological studies and Latin. What the hell, right? Might as well put my knowledge of the supernatural to use. It started out well. I got an amazing roommate. Jess. She became my first real friend since pre-k. We shared so much in common, and she was really nice. When she asked about my family, she didn’t press the matter when I didn’t want to talk about it. When I finally confided in her that I had lost both my parents, she was very sympathetic, but she didn’t pity me, which I appreciated. We didn’t have too many classes together, but we still hung out a lot. She was always there for me. I remember thinking: _Is this what having a best friend feels like?_

A couple weeks in was when I had my first general ed. course. I was kinda nervous as I really didn’t know what to expect. But when I walked it, it wasn’t the huge classroom with amphitheater seats or the stern looking professor that stopped me in my tracks. It was a boy, sitting about halfway up. He was...well there really is no word to describe him other than beautiful. Floppy brown hair, gorgeous eyes, and a dazzling smile. I knew in an instant I had to meet him. At the mere sight of him, my heart jolted in my chest. Crazy, right? I hadn’t so much as talked to the guy, and already I was head over heels.

I sat behind him in the class, but didn’t actually talk to him until a few weeks later, when I finally got up the nerve. I broke my pencil in class (me being the dork I was, preferred to take notes on actual paper instead of on a computer). I tapped him on the shoulder, and asked if he had one I could borrow. When he looked at me, my heart stopped. It was the strangest feeling. His hazel eyes captured mine, and I felt as if we were the only two people in the whole world. I’m positive I blushed like crazy. Lucky me, he didn’t notice, and lent me the pencil. When I returned it to him at the end of class, we got to talking.

His name was Sam. Simple name, but when he said it, I thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world. That is until I heard him say my name. Anyway. After that day we started hanging out more and more. He was a pre-law student, with a full ride. He was wicked smart too, a fact that had me falling for him even faster. He was smart, and funny, and charming, and kind, all things that had me falling further and further every moment I spent with him.

He had no idea, of course. No one did. If there was anything I was good at, it’s concealing my feelings. I knew he saw me as a friend, and nothing more. I wasn’t going to put myself through the pain of rejection from the first man I ever...loved.

That lasted for two years. That was when Brady, a mutual friend of ours, went out on a limb. I guess he was trying to make it up to Sam, after his recent mental breakdown, but whatever his reasons were, he set Sam up on a blind date. Unbeknownst to me, the date was with Jess. Yeah. My best friend Jess. Even she didn’t know about how I felt about Sam, so when they started dating, she had no clue what it was doing to me.

They fit really well together. They started getting serious, and I started to fade into the background. I couldn’t hate them either, however much I wished I could. Jess was my best friend, and she made him really happy. If he had to end up with anyone...at least it was with someone who deserved him. God knows I didn’t. After how I grew up...how was it fair to drag someone into that? It was better to be alone.

Sam and Jess spent most of their free time together, so I neither saw him nor her very often anymore. And even when I did...it was agony to see them together. The way he looked at her...well. It was the same way I looked at him. And to see it was like having my heart ripped from my chest.

I threw myself into school. I became obsessed with it. It was a distraction, a way to distance myself from the pain I felt. And it worked...sort of. I _missed_ them. It was like an ache, a hole that ate up my insides. I missed Sam, and his laugh, his hugs, his intelligence. How happy I was just to be around him. I missed Jess, my first friend, my _best_ friend. How easy it was to talk to her, how she knew me better than anyone. It was hard, that year. Isolated, lonely, the third wheel. And it made me wonder whether being normal was really worth it. Whether it would be easier to go back to that life. The one I thought I had left behind me for good.

It was the accident that made my decision for me.

There was a fire, a huge fire in Sam and Jess’s apartment. Jess got “caught” inside after an electrical short lit the curtains on fire. Or at least, that’s what the firemen said. But I knew better. The whole place, despite the burned smell, reeked of sulfur. I knew what that meant, even if no one else did. This had been no accident. My best friend was gone, and I knew what had killed her.

And I would not stop until that demon was dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment if you liked, comment if you didn't. I'm always open to criticism, suggestions or requests!


End file.
